Cowboys

In the imaginary universe of Mitt Romney, the 47% of Americans who pay no income tax are loafers, shiftless bums and welfare queens who will all vote for President Obama in November. In the real world, that 47% includes the working poor, the newly unemployed, handicapped people, the elderly, veterans, 4,000 millionaires and the nation's greatest icon, the American cowboy. A few years ago, I helped move a herd of cattle with some honest-to-God cowboys on a big ranch near White Sulphur Springs, Mont.

As the dusty vans and horse trailers pulled out of the L.A. Equestrian Center, the beat of rap competed with the twang of country. Sedgwick Haynes was heading home to Hempstead, Tex., and his job making valves for oil rigs. He'd won $775 in prize money. He is a weekend cowboy. As he travels the West, people honk and give him the high sign. His horse trailer proclaims him "1991 Champion Black Cowboy."

Clothier Nudie Cohn once lit up the Hollywood scene with his fashion ideas. The tailor of custom-made Western wear transformed stars of western movies and country singers into glittering icons with his rhinestone- and diamond-studded creations. Nudie, as he became known professionally, tailored fine suits on a regular basis for on-screen cowboys such as John Wayne, Ronald Reagan and Clint Eastwood.

Al Michaels serves as the play-by-play announcer and Cris Collinsworth provides the color commentary for tonight's Dallas at Washington game (5:15 p.m., Channel 4): Michaels says ... "The Redskins will be an easy team to look past but this is no time for the Cowboys to revert to an inconsistent pattern. A win tonight sets up a battle with the Eagles next Sunday to determine the NFC East champion. The Cowboys barely beat the Redskins in Texas last month so take nothing for granted.

What would you have to say is the roughest, meanest orneriest all-time lineup you can think of? The 1940 Chicago Bears--the Monsters of the Midway? The Lombardi Packers? The Lyle Alzado-John Matuszak Raiders? The Philadelphia Flyers' Broad Street Bullies? Hate to have to fight Fritzie Zivic and all those thumbs in your eye, would you? Well, put them all together and I've got a cast of characters up here that would make them look like altar boys.

Longtime defensive coach Monte Kiffin was in Dallas on Thursday to meet with the Cowboys about filling the team's opening for a defensive coordinator, the Dallas Morning News reported. He would replace Rob Ryan , fired by the Cowboys on Tuesday. ESPN reported that Kiffin met with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Coach Jason Garrett . Kiffin, father of USC Coach Lane Kiffin , left his post as head of USC's defense after the Trojans' loss to Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl on Dec. 31. He came under fire during USC's disappointing 7-6 season.

Gene Stallings, who spent 14 years as an assistant coach under Tom Landry at Dallas before becoming head coach of the St. Louis Cardinals, says he understands why St. Louis fans and players dislike Dallas. For one thing, the Cowboys have beaten the Cardinals in 12 of their last 15 meetings. "You know, you're always a little envious of someone who does well," said Stallings, whose Cardinals (0-3) meet the Cowboys (2-1) tonight at 6 p.m. PDT. "When you can't, you have a tendency to throw rocks.

The Rams trade Eric Dickerson to the Colts for a whole bunch of draft picks. Dallas trades Herschel Walker to the Vikings for a whole bunch of draft picks. One team is judicious in its selection of draft picks. The other team squanders its draft picks. Which team is now one of the best? Which team is now one of the worst? Ms. Georgia, you fired the wrong John. MIKE LIEBERMAN, West Hills

Cowboy poets swapped rhymes on everything from the creation of the Earth to Washington politicians in a unique celebration of life on the range. About 300 poets from every Western state took part in the four-day Cowboy Poetry Gathering, which ended Saturday in this ranch town 290 miles east of Reno, Nev. Some of the rhymers of the range produced tears with poems on the hardships of ranch life, while others brought laughter with homespun humor on a wide range of subjects.

A decade ago at a small social gathering in Denver, I heard Slim Pickens recite a long, hilarious, dirty poem about cowboys. A few years ago, reviewing a collection of cowboy poetry, I complained that I'd never found a copy of the poem Slim recited, and by then Pickens himself had left us for distant ranges. The column found its way to a cowboy performer named Val Geissler, then living near Missoula, Mont. He called me and said he knew the poem and would write down a copy for me.