Dear Amy

Dear Amy: I am a married mother of two young boys. I grew up in a volatile home, because my mother was verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive toward us, especially my father. We were all constantly under her watchful eye, and had to live according to her obsessive cleaning schedule. We never knew when her next blowup would occur. She is now married to her third husband. He is a nice man and doesn't seem to know about her past. Because of the way she has mistreated her immediate and extended family, I am the only one left who will see her voluntarily and/or talk to her. And I do it for my sons, not myself.

Dear Amy: My daughter is 16 and in the 10th grade. She was asked to go to her high school prom by an 11th-grader whom she was seeing earlier this year. They went out only for a few weeks and then broke up. I believe she ended it because he didn't make much -- or any -- effort. Shortly after they broke up, he started dating someone else. I think she has been second-guessing her decision to break up with him. Her friends have been suggesting that she should give him another chance.

Dear Amy: I have been married for 30 years. I endured put-downs, slurs and nastiness from my husband's parents for the entirety of our marriage -- with no help from my husband. A year ago, my mother-in-law passed away and my father-in-law was placed in the dementia unit of a nursing home. My problem is that I am still furious at how they treated me -- and terribly disappointed that the close relationship I always wanted with them never happened. I tried and tried, but everything about me was dead wrong: my ethnicity, my weight, my education (I have a doctorate, and my husband has a high school diploma, so they called me "Miss Know-It-All")

Dear Amy: My parents own a beach house that is the site of our annual family vacation. Our family has grown, the house has not. There are now five couples, four singles and three children who are planning on being there this summer. There are nowhere near enough beds or couches. I've decided to rent a two-bedroom condo about a half-mile away for the overflow. The issue we're having is how to pay for it. I think that everyone, including those who stay at my parents' home, should help, although I'm flexible in how to divide the cost.

Dear Amy: I've had a friend from work for 25 years. We solved problems together, griped about conditions, lunched and played tennis. We retired and have remained friends, albeit with less get-together time. Well, suddenly my friend says he has to meet with a "group" every morning, including weekends. He is mysterious about the "group," saying that he is not permitted to talk about what they do. Though I know his wife, I feel I can't ask her about this because I'm embarrassed.

Dear Readers: Recently I called upon you to send in your "worst ever" gift stories in response to a letter about a Christmas gift gone wrong. I have been so inspired by these stories that I've set up a page on Twitter to share all of them. Check out twitter.com/santahatesme to see what not to do this holiday season or to contribute your own tale of good intentions gone awry. Dear Amy: My husband of 28 years gave me an expensive diamond heart necklace accompanied by a tearful admission of his years of affairs and intent to divorce.

Dear Amy: I am a divorced woman in my mid-50s and am happy with my life. I have friends and great relationships with my kids, their spouses and the grandkids. I have dated two men since divorcing, neither one for long. That has not bothered me until lately. I recently read a popular book series. It was geared toward younger readers originally. I have been obsessed with these stories and have really grown attached to the primary male character. I'm so sorry I don't have the same type of love that this character has for the female character.

Dear Amy: My daughter has a boyfriend of 17 who still sleeps in the same bed with his 19-year-old sister, on occasion. He also sits in the bathroom and talks with her while she is in the shower. Is it just me, or is this a tad strange? The sister is also very controlling and possessive. Wondering Mom Dear Mom: It isn't just you. This is a tad strange. I'd start by asking how she knows about these habits. Is this hearsay, or does she have personal knowledge of it?

Dear Readers: Scores of you have responded to my request for "worst gift" stories. I have enjoyed these tales of duct-taped gifts, re-gifted gifts and gifts that are just plain horrible. So here, back by popular demand, are more tales of "gifts gone bad." For more, check out my Twitter site dedicated to the awfulness: Twitter.com/santahatesme. :: Dear Amy: My brother has always been frugal -- "downright cheap" would probably be a better term. One year for Christmas, I received from him six half-used containers of dental floss, all individually wrapped.

Dear Amy: I have a nagging romantic fantasy that I can't get rid of. Twenty years ago I had a huge crush on a male friend in college. Just when I thought we might get together, he went away for the summer and met his future wife. I felt I had lost my first true love. We moved to different states and kept in touch for a few years (a couple of times a year). I have been happily married for almost 14 years. Over the years, I've wondered what might have happened with this other guy, but I let it go -- until Facebook entered the picture.

Dear Amy: I am 34 and in a relationship. We've been together for about a year. He has two children from a previous relationship. The other day I brought up the subject of having a child with him, because I would love to be a mother soon. He flat-out told me he did not want to have any more children. I'm not sure what to do. I am in love with him and he says he loves me. What should I do? Worried Woman Dear Worried: This may be the single most challenging issue that couples face as they contemplate their future.

Dear Amy: I'm about to be engaged to a wonderful woman. I have known her for three years. I have been wondering whether I should tell her that I had lap band surgery for my obesity seven years ago when I was 45. The surgery enabled me to lose 100 pounds. I had a subsequent tummy tuck that I lied to my lady about (to explain the scar). I have never told anyone else, including my family, about this. My lady is 5 foot 10 and a good weight, but it took her some time to get used to my eating habits -- which include eating less than she does.

Dear Amy: "Steve" and I dated for a year when we were in high school -- 33 years ago. It was an intense romantic relationship, but I eventually ended it because Steve's reckless and impulsive behavior scared me. I moved away after high school and have not been back. Recently, Steve and other high school friends contacted me on Facebook. They hang out together frequently in my hometown, and it has been nice catching up with them. I'd like to go back for a visit, but I have a dilemma: I'm happily married, and Steve is married too, apparently not so happily.

Dear Amy: My husband has begun traveling frequently for work. Even though his employer compensates him well for each trip, he spends extravagantly, often putting large charges on our credit card. He drinks excessively. When I ask him why this continues to happen, even though he promises not to do any of these things each time he leaves, he can't explain it. It is just not like my normally responsible and respectful husband. Is it time to see a counselor? Frustrated Wife Dear Frustrated: It is time to see a counselor.

Dear Amy: My husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this past summer. Our four children came with their families, and everyone seemed to have a great time. Shortly after the party, our daughter e-mailed us to say that she thought she had forgiven me for something I did when she was in high school, but apparently she hasn't and she does not want any more contact with me. She does not answer the phone when we call or respond to e-mails. I was the best mother that I knew how to be when she was growing up. The three other children say, "She's being ridiculous -- forget about it," but I would like to have some contact with my only daughter.

Dear Amy: I work for a partner at a very distinguished company. He has been conducting an affair with a "client" for more than three years now. He has been married for well over 20 years. He, however, is utilizing company funds to wine and dine his mistress and is asking me to submit these expenses for reimbursement. My conundrum is that if I report him I will lose my job; he is very connected. If I don't, then I feel I am cheating the company. I have asked to be transferred, but no other positions are available.

Dear Amy: Many years ago my father-in-law had an affair. My mother-in-law chose to forgive him and stay in the marriage. It has been apparent that she never really forgave him. She says she should have divorced him when he cheated. Recently, my mother-in-law found love letters from the other woman. She gave them to my husband to read. He was very upset. I've been thinking I should say something to my mother-in-law about how this is affecting my husband, but I don't think she would take it well.

Dear Amy: I have been married for 17 years and we have two great kids, ages 9 and 11. I fell out of love with my husband several years ago. I have not told him this because I don't want to hurt him, and I don't feel right about ending the marriage right now because it would hurt the kids. But every day I have an ache inside me because I know I'm not happy in this marriage. I would be willing to try counseling, but we actually get along fairly well. I'm torn between sparing my family any pain and my secret sadness that I'm not living an authentic life.

Dear Readers: A few weeks back, "Concerned Wife" wrote a very thoughtful letter to me about her husband's impending job loss. In addition to professional challenges he would be facing, he also felt that he was letting his family down. Concerned asked how she could best help her husband through this rough time. A flood of mail came in. I found them inspirational as well as helpful, and am sampling them below. :: Dear Amy: Even though I am over 60 and am lucky to have just found a job, I have gone through four job changes in the past six years.

Dear Amy: I am a divorced woman in my mid-50s and am happy with my life. I have friends and great relationships with my kids, their spouses and the grandkids. I have dated two men since divorcing, neither one for long. That has not bothered me until lately. I recently read a popular book series. It was geared toward younger readers originally. I have been obsessed with these stories and have really grown attached to the primary male character. I'm so sorry I don't have the same type of love that this character has for the female character.