Elmo

Michelle Chavez wanted her daughter to open the perfect gift Christmas morning, one that would add a bit of magic to her daughter's holiday. So the day after Thanksgiving, she dragged her husband, a MetroLink conductor, to Wal-Mart just in time to buy the store's last FurReal Friends Butterscotch Pony -- for about $300. Just what their 2 1/2 -year- old told Santa she wanted. "My kids are spoiled and they get what they want," said Chavez, a 36-year-old stay-at-home mother who lives in Chino.

As I am 60 years old with neither children nor grandchildren, I am quite unlikely to be purchasing a Tickle Me Elmo ("Elmo's tickled red," Oct. 22). However, you will find me in the front of the line when they announce the release of Tickle Me Pamela Anderson. Bob Lang Inglewood

File this one under the growing category of words you thought you would never hear: I'll put $200 on the pirate costume and another $50 on the St. Louis Cardinals jersey. Apparently, there is an offshore, online betting service offering odds on the most popular Halloween costumes this year for little people around the world. Guess the question of which country Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will adopt from next was just too mundane. (Yes, there are real odds on that one.

Bright red as ever, Tickle Me Elmo is back on retailers' shelves this holiday season, moving like never before. This year, he bowls over in a fit of giggles, kicks his feet and turns himself over to pound an arm on the floor as he guffaws. That done, he stands back up again. Elmo is also being peddled like never before. Mattel Inc. kept the doll's tricks under tight wraps until its unveiling in September. Most retailers placed their orders without having seen the doll itself.

ELMO REFUSED to be interviewed for this column. I consider this to be a supreme act of cowardice. And it doesn't surprise me one bit. Elmo is an annoying tool. Yes, I know that children love Elmo. But children are idiots. That's why we don't let them have jobs. Could you imagine an office full of children? They'd spend all day telling dumb jokes and talking about their poop. It would be like it was before women entered the workplace.

A surprise pop hit of 2006 isn't from chart toppers such as the Black Eyed Peas or Kelly Clarkson -- it's a crowd of young kids singing high-pitched renditions of the Black Eyed Peas and Kelly Clarkson. It's a record you probably haven't heard unless you're a regular viewer of Nickelodeon. Yet the album, "Kidz Bop 10," reached No. 3 on last week's Billboard 200.

Military families trying to tell their young children about Mom or Dad's lengthy deployment overseas are about to get some help from Elmo and the gang at "Sesame Street." Sesame Workshop has produced a DVD, in English and Spanish, that will be distributed free to military families next month. The DVD shows Elmo and his parents preparing for Elmo's dad to be deployed, though it doesn't say where he's going.

STANDING in front of the exhibition "From the Island of Misfit Toys" is a life-sized sculpture of a young woman donning a blue "Star Wars" storm trooper uniform, smoking a cigarette and carrying a revolving cannon. She's "Red Riding Hood," one of two sculptures by Nathan Cabrera that tells the viewer from the get-go, this exhibition may be about toys, but don't call it kids' stuff.

Actress Kim Cattrall, celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito and Elmo may not be whom you'd expect to find handing out awards at a national book prize ceremony. But then again, the Quill Awards are designed to be anything but your average literary contest. "Today" show weatherman Al Roker conducted red carpet interviews with guests as they arrived for the Oct. 11 black-tie ceremony at the Chelsea Piers.

Let me get this straight: A parent is upset because her child's toy is too quiet ("Elmo Doesn't Speak Up on His Cellphone, Mom's Suit Alleges," June 29)? As the father of twins, I'd like to know where I can buy two. Immediately. Gavin Powers Westchester