Lakers Fans

Congrats, Lakers! It may not be the celebration anybody around here expected, but the Lakers have practically locked up second place in the Western Conference! There's that small inconvenient part where it won't be official for another month, and they still won't have home-court advantage over San Antonio, but that can all be found below in the fine print. In fact the Lakers are on a roll, only a few days away from clinching the Pacific Division, even though nobody cares about winning divisions.

It's time for Magic Johnson to zip it. To recognize exactly where he is at this point in his illustrious life and what is important right now. Which is supposed to be the Los Angeles Dodgers. But there is something unseemly about the Dodgers holding consecutive press conferences this week, only for the biggest news for many media outlets to be Magic ripping the Lakers. It's too much. It is disrespectful. It needs to end. Magic needs to stop talking about the Lakers. Really, I think he should stop talking about the NBA. I think he never should have agreed to return this season as an NBA analyst for ABC. Now maybe you think this is like asking Beyonce to ugly it up a little.

So let me get this straight: Former NBA great Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal, better known as Shaq (or Diesel, or the Big Aristotle) is really a stuttering showman who fears embarrassing himself, so he overprepares, develops a second career as a rapper, buys a 64,000-square-foot dream house and feuds mercilessly with his costars but really, truly credits his no-nonsense grandma and heavy-fisted soldier stepdad for giving him the values he needed to succeed?...

Sorry, Lakers fans. You can't have Phil. Despite the reappearance of chants for Phil Jackson at a recent game, Mike D'Antoni is still the Lakers' coach. And will be in the future. "'WE WANT PHIL' is not going to happen," Jackson said in an email to The Times. Mired in a six-game losing streak, the Lakers have D'Antoni under contract for two more seasons and $8 million. Mike Brown , fired two months ago after a 1-4 start, is owed $6 million more after this season. That's $14 million for D'Antoni and Brown until 2015.

The free giveaways made sense, handed off to all Lakers fans as they entered Staples Center. White towels to wave. The Lakers completed the symbolism by waving the white flag, throwing in the towel, whatever metaphor you chose in a season-ending 103-82 playoff loss Sunday to the San Antonio Spurs. BOX SCORE: San Antonio 103, Lakers 82 Even the fourth-quarter "We Want Phil" chants weren't very forceful as the Lakers got swept in the first round for the first time since 1967.

The disc jockey smiles when he hears Juanita Santos' raspy voice. "Art," she says from her small town near Fresno, "I want you to tell my husband, Juanito, 'You're my Chicano king. I'm your bootylicious. I can't live without you. I'll never let you go.' And I want you to blow him a big kiss for me and play 'You're my Shining Star.' " "OK, Juanita. Here goes that kiss . . . . Muaah !" Phone lines flash six nights a week inside a dimly lit Hollywood studio where Art Laboe sits before his microphone, faithful to his old-fashioned format: playing sentimental oldies and making dedications.

The Lakers retired Shaquille O'Neal's jersey Tuesday night as L.A. hosted the Dallas Mavericks. Knowing he wouldn't have the time or ability to thank everyone properly in the ceremony, O'Neal released a video on YouTube -- seemingly on the set of "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" where he appeared Monday night. His message to Kobe Bryant stands out. PHOTOS: Lakers retire Shaquille O'Neal's No. 34 jersey "Kobe, we had a million great times and a thousand bad times," he said. "But as a doctor, I know that a million outweighs a thousand.

He's back and it's so cool, so weird, a TMZ headline reading: "Kris Jenner Did Not Negotiate Lamar Odom's Clipper Deal. " He's one of the most likable athletes Los Angeles has come to know: talented but frustrating; charismatic yet disappointing; competitive and oh so deferential if not soft. His lifelong philosophy, he says, is to kill with kindness, and yet so often he seems to be wrapped in grief. PHOTOS: Lamar Odom through the years The hope is that things will always get better for Lamar, and here we go again.

Amid the tributes and condolences, the lingering sorrow over Jerry Buss' death, now comes the hand-wringing. Lakers fans see Jim and Jeanie Buss in control - no father keeping watch - and wonder if the kids can uphold a winning legacy. Jeanie has already won respect with her intelligence and candor, but has previously focused on the business side of the franchise. Will she - as Magic Johnson has advocated - exert more influence on basketball matters? And what about Jim? The son has been a constant lightning rod for criticism, outsiders guessing at what role he played in controversial decisions such as the hiring of Mike D'Antoni over Phil Jackson.

Sorry, Lakers fans. You can't have Phil. Despite the reappearance of chants for Phil Jackson at Lakers games, Mike D'Antoni is still their coach. And will be in the future. " 'WE WANT PHIL' is not going to happen," Jackson said in an e-mail to The Times. Mired in a five-game losing streak, the Lakers have D'Antoni under contract for two more seasons and $8 million. Mike Brown, fired in November after a 1-4 start, is owed an additional $6 million after this season. That's $14 million for D'Antoni and Brown until 2015.