Los Angeles Festival

You know the dream. You are scheduled to take a final exam, and something has gone horribly wrong. You haven't studied. You can't remember which class you signed up for. When you get there, you find out the exam was yesterday. Or you are lost in a maze of hallways and can't find the classroom at all. If you could see your own facial expression during those dreams, you would know how the students in Peter Sellars' UCLA class, "Art as Moral Action," looked when they got their final assignment: to find "a moment of beauty."

As one might expect -- nay, hope -- the expletive deleteds were flying fast and furious at the Los Angeles Festival of Books' Saturday afternoon  panel discussion "Humor: Vastly Inappropriate," which consisted of authors Heather McDonald, Ophira Eisenberg, Lizz Winstead and Kelly Oxford, who were  questioned and cajoled by moderator Adrian Todd Zuniga. There were also the requisite graphic and very funny descriptions of the panelists' various sexcapades,  such as Oxford's first date with the man who would become her husband.

If the Los Angeles Festival falls on its face, as a number of people now seem to fear ("Is the L.A. Festival Getting the Word Out?," Aug. 4), I'm sure there will be lots of hand-wringing about a failure to support non-Western cultural performances. Let me disabuse everyone of seeing that beastly notion as an excuse. Both publicity and ticketing have been too little and too late. And a larger problem is the catalogue, which is partly unreadable and partly unusable. The designer decided it would be fun to lay dark type over dark backgrounds.

The Los Angeles Times Festival of Books is coming to USC on April 20 and 21. In addition to the literary stars that will give talks at the festival, chefs and cookbook authors will make appearances for cooking demonstrations and interviews at the festival's cooking stage. Ludo Lefebvre of "The Taste," Alex Guarnaschelli of "Iron Chef" and more are slated to attend. Here's a look at the schedule of guests who will take over the cooking stage: April 20 11 a.m. -- Melissa d'Arabian, author of "Ten Dollar Dinners" 12:30 p.m. -- Susan Feniger, author of "Susan Feniger's Street Food"  2 p.m. -- Alex Guarnaschelli, author of "Old-School Comfort Food"  3:30 p.m. -- Brian Boitano , author of "What Would Brian Boitano Make?"

What: The Los Angeles Festival. Who: More than 30 artistic performers and groups from all over the world, including Sweden, France, South Africa, Great Britain, Spain and the United States. When: Sept. 3-27. Where: Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, Embassy Theatre, Fletcher Bowron Square, James A. Doolittle Theatre, Japan America Theatre, Little Tokyo, Los Angeles Theatre Center, Mark Taper Forum and Raleigh Film & TV Studios No. 11 and No. 12.

South Bay residents who would like to be a part of the 1990 Los Angeles Festival, to be held Saturday through Sept. 16, are invited to participate as volunteers. Volunteer jobs include stage managers, parking attendants, hospitality workers, security monitors, maintenance workers, public information assistants, runners, translators, press center assistants, ushers, concession and refreshment sellers, couriers, cashiers, bookkeepers, telephone answerers and office sitters.

Theater artists and marketing directors have bitched and moaned, for as long as I can remember, about the graying of our audiences and our inability to attract black, Asian, Latino and Indian patrons. As we stood in the back of our theaters and surveyed the endless sea of blue-haired Caucasians we asked ourselves: Why aren't we attracting people less than 50 years old and of color to our theaters? What are we doing wrong?

NEW YORK—There are author success stories. There's winning the lottery. And then there's Chad Harbach. A long-suffering, often-starving MFA graduate, Harbach spent much of his 20s and 30s working temp jobs so he could write a novel, sometimes with barely $100 in his bank account. He thought no one would ever read his book, titled "The Art of Fielding. " It featured, after all, some pretty ambitious literary writing, a prominent gay character and a baseball motif, all no-nos for anyone with aspirations to the fiction bestseller list.

Los Angeles Beer Festival Where : Paramount Studios, 5555 Melrose Ave. L.A. When : Noon-3 p.m. and 5-8 p.m. Sat. Price : $40, online advance reservations only Info : http://www.drinkeatplay.com/labeerfest