Melissa Rivers

The deal is signed, the plans are set and so today Joan and Melissa Rivers -- the mother-daughter duo who almost double-handedly defined gossipy red carpet coverage of the major awards shows -- will confirm they have departed E!, their home of nine years, and are moving to the TV Guide Channel. Wait. Hold on. The what?

Texture aside, there's nothing cushy about an award show's red carpet. In fact, it's one of the biggest challenges of an award night. From the moment nominees or presenters pull into the three-cars-deep arrivals' circle, they'd best be ready to run a gantlet of minor indignities. From a strobe of flashes to a cacophony of shouts for attention, those on the red carpet have to endure ? and do it wearing formalwear and a smile. And they'd best be ready to learn their place in society.

Texture aside, there's nothing cushy about an award show's red carpet. In fact, it's one of the biggest challenges of an award night. From the moment nominees or presenters pull into the three-cars-deep arrivals' circle, they'd best be ready to run a gantlet of minor indignities. From a strobe of flashes to a cacophony of shouts for attention, those on the red carpet have to endure ? and do it wearing formalwear and a smile. And they'd best be ready to learn their place in society.

On Tuesday, Joan Rivers turned 77, an age that makes her shudder. After all, for years, the comedian has put a lot of money and effort into trying to look younger. At an interview at a West Hollywood hotel this week, for example, her face had been coated with foundation so thick it was difficult to see her pores; her fingernails had been impeccably painted with a pink rose gloss and her blond hair had been styled to feather out slightly. Her style of dress, which included layered necklaces from her QVC jewelery line, was in touch with the latest fashion trends.

On the Dotted Line: Bruce Springsteen will perform on network TV for the first time when he appears May 9 on NBC's "Saturday Night Live." Springsteen will perform three songs on the late-night telecast. . . . Melissa Rivers, daughter of comedian Joan Rivers, has signed on as the gossip reporter for MTV's new afternoon daily variety show, "Hangin' With MTV." Her reports will air on Wednesdays. . . .

Being the daughter of Joan Rivers and Edgar Rosenberg has always been a mixed blessing for Melissa Rivers. "It opens as many doors as it closes," says Rivers, who's directing a new production of Darlene Craviotto's war-of-the-sexes comedy "Pizza Man" at the Groundlings Theatre. "But I was raised in this business, so I know what that's about. People are really curious to meet you and see what you're like; sometimes they just want to sneer.

Joan and Melissa Rivers are all dressed up with nowhere to go. The mother-daughter duo, queens of the red carpet, apparently will be no-shows this fall at what has been one of their highest-rated performances: the Emmy Awards. The Rivers team shifted alliances this summer, leaving E! Entertainment Television for a lucrative contract with the TV Guide Channel, which raided its rival to propel its ratings. But E! has exclusive cable TV rights to broadcast live from the red carpet before the Sept.

As Melissa Rivers, the european history major-cum-fashion maven and 32-year-old daughter of Joan, prepares to dish star styles on her sixth Oscar pre-show tonight (the centerpiece of "E!'s" nine hours of live oscar coverage), we discuss tact, nightmares and the grammy dress that just won't die. * Q. Can you believe they were claiming there was no hidden tape holding that "dress" together? A. Oh, please! There was glue. Q. Who do you predict will be the Jennifer Lopez of this year's Oscars? A.

Two historical World War II dramas, a techno-thriller and a heartwarming story are among the original TV movies set for this weekend. Rick Rossovich stars in UPN's futuristic thriller "Killer Deal," tonight at 8. TBS unveils its first original movie, "Fatal Error," Sunday at 7 p.m. Antonio Sabato Jr., Janine Turner and Robert Wagner star in the cyber thriller. Mara Wilson, Rip Torn and Laurie Metcalf star in ABC's "Wonderful World of Disney" family fantasy "Balloon Farm," Sunday at 7 p.m.

What if they threw an awards show and nobody looked lousy? "That's our nightmare," said Melissa Rivers. She and mom Joan had been haunting and taunting red-carpet walkers for the E! Channel since 1996, but now they're working the rope line for the TV Guide Channel, starting Sunday at the Golden Globes. And as much as the Rivers women love the stars who get dolled up right -- Nicole Kidman, Debra Messing, Halle Berry come to mind -- they adore the ones who get it really wrong.

What if they threw an awards show and nobody looked lousy? "That's our nightmare," said Melissa Rivers. She and mom Joan had been haunting and taunting red-carpet walkers for the E! Channel since 1996, but now they're working the rope line for the TV Guide Channel, starting Sunday at the Golden Globes. And as much as the Rivers women love the stars who get dolled up right -- Nicole Kidman, Debra Messing, Halle Berry come to mind -- they adore the ones who get it really wrong.

Joan and Melissa Rivers are all dressed up with nowhere to go. The mother-daughter duo, queens of the red carpet, apparently will be no-shows this fall at what has been one of their highest-rated performances: the Emmy Awards. The Rivers team shifted alliances this summer, leaving E! Entertainment Television for a lucrative contract with the TV Guide Channel, which raided its rival to propel its ratings. But E! has exclusive cable TV rights to broadcast live from the red carpet before the Sept.

The deal is signed, the plans are set and so today Joan and Melissa Rivers -- the mother-daughter duo who almost double-handedly defined gossipy red carpet coverage of the major awards shows -- will confirm they have departed E!, their home of nine years, and are moving to the TV Guide Channel. Wait. Hold on. The what?

Even though she began doing stand-up in Greenwich Village clubs 45 years ago, Joan Rivers says she is such a wreck before she goes onstage for her weekly set at Fez that she won't allow anyone in the dressing room with her. "I will still be so nervous, so ... nasty, everything will upset me," says Rivers, 70. "And after I go on, if it's a bad night, I'll start to stutter. Nothing changes." Nothing changes? Please. Can we talk?

As Melissa Rivers, the european history major-cum-fashion maven and 32-year-old daughter of Joan, prepares to dish star styles on her sixth Oscar pre-show tonight (the centerpiece of "E!'s" nine hours of live oscar coverage), we discuss tact, nightmares and the grammy dress that just won't die. * Q. Can you believe they were claiming there was no hidden tape holding that "dress" together? A. Oh, please! There was glue. Q. Who do you predict will be the Jennifer Lopez of this year's Oscars? A.

Two historical World War II dramas, a techno-thriller and a heartwarming story are among the original TV movies set for this weekend. Rick Rossovich stars in UPN's futuristic thriller "Killer Deal," tonight at 8. TBS unveils its first original movie, "Fatal Error," Sunday at 7 p.m. Antonio Sabato Jr., Janine Turner and Robert Wagner star in the cyber thriller. Mara Wilson, Rip Torn and Laurie Metcalf star in ABC's "Wonderful World of Disney" family fantasy "Balloon Farm," Sunday at 7 p.m.

Three NBC series conclude their seasons with special episodes this weekend. The popular comedy "Friends" finishes its fourth season at 8 tonight on Channel 4 with a one-hour cliffhanger surrounding Ross and Emily's impending marriage in London. Phoebe, though, stays in New York to await the birth of her triplets. Sarah, the duchess of York; Jennifer Saunders; Tom Conti; and Hugh Laurie are among the guests. The sixth-season finale of "Homicide: Life on the Street" airs Friday at 10 p.m.

On Tuesday, Joan Rivers turned 77, an age that makes her shudder. After all, for years, the comedian has put a lot of money and effort into trying to look younger. At an interview at a West Hollywood hotel this week, for example, her face had been coated with foundation so thick it was difficult to see her pores; her fingernails had been impeccably painted with a pink rose gloss and her blond hair had been styled to feather out slightly. Her style of dress, which included layered necklaces from her QVC jewelery line, was in touch with the latest fashion trends.

Three NBC series conclude their seasons with special episodes this weekend. The popular comedy "Friends" finishes its fourth season at 8 tonight on Channel 4 with a one-hour cliffhanger surrounding Ross and Emily's impending marriage in London. Phoebe, though, stays in New York to await the birth of her triplets. Sarah, the duchess of York; Jennifer Saunders; Tom Conti; and Hugh Laurie are among the guests. The sixth-season finale of "Homicide: Life on the Street" airs Friday at 10 p.m.

The fact that comedian Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa portray themselves is sure to generate additional interest in "Tears and Laughter: The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story." Unfortunately, this over-inflated TV movie offers little beyond the novelty of seeing these two women re-enact the grief and turmoil that gripped their lives after the 1987 suicide of their husband and father, Edgar Rosenberg. Watching "Tears and Laughter" is a lot like being locked on an emotional treadmill.