Personal Assistants

For years, tech wizards have predicted the demise of the personal computer as the dominant Internet connection. The Palm hand-held computer and other "information appliances" were the heirs apparent, but a sluggish roll-out of such devices and limited public acceptance have defied overly optimistic marketers. Now the cellular phone has emerged as the new favorite to become the most common and accessible tool for online communication and commerce.

Question: A question has arisen among the administrative support staff at the law firm where I work. We are frequently required to handle personal chores for law partners and other employees. We're required to take people's personal mail, including their bills, to the post office. I even have to handle mail from their spouses and children, including their Christmas cards. It isn't a big problem, but I wonder what would happen if someone's mortgage payment never made it to the bank.

Peggy Robertson, Alfred Hitchcock's personal assistant who worked on his motion pictures for more than 30 years, has died. She was 81. Robertson died Friday at the Motion Picture and Television Hospital in Woodland Hills after a long illness. Born in London, Robertson was working as a script supervisor at England's Denham Studios when she met Hitchcock.

Amaryllis Knight and Tim Walcott love the holidays. They love the lights and boughs around the house, the thoughtful gifts and chatty cards for friends and relatives, the parties and dinners. The problem is, they just don't have time to do any of it themselves. An entrepreneur, she typically wakes up to the sound of faxes coming into her home office. He comes home exhausted from days as a sales director. So this year, the Sherman Oaks couple has hired someone else to do it for them.

A state appeals court has ordered Irvine heiress Joan Irvine Smith to pay $464,000 to an employee who was trampled by Smith's horse. But the court reserved its most powerful blows for Smith's attorneys, calling them "welshing lawyers" for attempting to renege on an agreement to settle the matter out of court.

Words of wisdom to potential assistants from those who've been there: * Wear the Wonderbra. * Steal the screening passes. * Learn to weasel off your boss' reputation to get things. * All the stories you hear are true. * Yes, there are 10 people who would take your job. Yes, you could be replaced in an instant. * Talk to the prior assistant. See if she/he's gone on to a good job or long-term therapy. * Don't take the job if you're older than 25.

In Los Angeles there are two stellar reduction techniques, one for the body, the other for the mind. If you're fat, there's UCLA's Obesity Center, where they'll hand you a prescription for fen-phen. For those with overweight egos, there's a job as a Hollywood assistant, where they'll hand you your head if you can't find a phone number immediately, have the walnut gearshift knob for the Ferrari delivered instantly, and the dry-cleaning back quicker than an agent can flick a Rolodex.

The anonymous note had been hand-delivered to the production office, though no one knew when or by whom. It read: "Shoot Butch and knock off the swearing or she'll end up in the unemployment line I guarantee." The threat was directed at Sharon Gless, who was then starring in the TV series "Cagney & Lacey." The actress had for years received unwelcome attention from disturbed fans, including a young woman who in 1990 barricaded herself inside Gless' home with a rifle and 500 rounds of ammunition.