Pirates

It's not often noted in the history books, but Queen Victoria simply couldn't stand pirates. In fact, the words "I Hate Pirates" are prominently carved on the royal crest. You could look it up. Well, actually, you can't, because the wacky folks at Aardman Animations made it up as a key plot point of their delightful"The Pirates! Band of Misfits,"a clever piece of business that is a complete pleasure to experience. Based on a novel by Gideon Defoe, who also wrote the screenplay, "Pirates" follows the exploits, such as they are, of Pirate Captain (wonderfully voiced by Hugh Grant)

Behold a scene of lust and betrayal between a young woman and another woman's fiancé, on top of a kitchen table. Make that on top of a birthday cake. On the betrayed woman's birthday. Oh, and the women are roommates. Then discover that it's not only excusable behavior but also actually a kinky act of kindness. And that's just the opening scene of "Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23," ABC'ssubversive midseason addition to the quirky-girl comedy trend, which has its season finale Wednesday.

'Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides' MPAA rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images, sensuality and innuendo Running time: 2 hours, 17 minutes Playing: In general release

Did you know that strawberries, though considered a fruit, are technically a member of the rose family? Then you are ripe for the California Strawberry Festival this weekend in Oxnard. On 50 acres, the event features two concert stages and an array of strawberry treats, including strawberry beer. There's also Strawberryland for the kids. Info: (888) 288-9242 or www.strawberry-fest.org . . . . Speaking of kids, here's yet another summer activity in family friendly San Diego: Pirate Ship Adventures offers daily cruises aboard an 83-foot sailing ship , including a special July 4 cruise.

With reigning champions in the NFL and the NHL, Pittsburgh was named best sports city by the Sporting News in its annual rankings. The state of Pennsylvania fared well, with Philadelphia coming in second, ahead of No. 3 Boston, No. 4 Chicago and No. 5 Los Angeles. "I don't know how we don't win this every year," Mayor Luke Ravenstahl told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Here's how: The Pittsburgh Pirates. Trivia time Honus Wagner had 825 of these in this career, including 60 in 1905.

"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet Are of imagination all compact: One sees more devils than vast hell can hold." Neither Shakespeare nor Sir Peter Brook probably imagined the staging of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" like the setup at the Palms pool a week ago Saturday, which had been redone into a pirate's ship with skulls and plunder and sexy, red-dressed pirate babes everywhere. The bar at the center, where O.J. Simpson allegedly planned his recent crimes, was transformed from one angle into a castle and another into a sort of ship's helm.

At PNC Park, Pittsburgh Monday, 10:35 a.m.: Vicente Padilla (12-6, 4.46 ERA in 2009) vs. Zach Duke (11-16, 4.06) Wednesday, 4:05 p.m.: Clayton Kershaw (8-8, 2.79) vs. Ross Ohlendorf (11-10, 3.92) Thursday, 9:35 a.m.: Chad Billingsley (12-11, 4.04) vs. Paul Maholm (8-9, 4.44) On the air: TV: Prime Ticket; Radio: 790, 930. 2009 series: Dodgers, 4-3. Opening-day facts: The last time the Dodgers and Pirates faced each other on opening day was in 1955, when the Dodgers were still in Brooklyn.

The fortunes of a band of Somali pirates quickly changed Thursday when a Russian warship opened fire on a hijacked oil tanker, freeing the crew and arresting the bandits, who a day earlier had raced across the Indian Ocean to seize a cargo valued at more than $50 million. The high-seas battle unfolded after 23 crewmen on the tanker Moscow University sent a distress call and hid from the pirates in a sealed rudder compartment. A Russian destroyer closed in and special forces stormed the vessel at dawn, after marauders shot at a surveillance helicopter, according to the anti-piracy European Union Naval Force.

Americans appear to be growing tired of riding the high seas with Capt. Jack Sparrow, but "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" found box office treasure anyway. The fourth entry in the Johnny Depp-starring "Pirates" series raked in $256.3 million on its first weekend in more than 100 foreign countries, according to an estimate from Walt Disney Studios. That's the biggest international debut of all time for a film. It more than made up for a softer-than-expected $90.1-million launch in the U.S. and Canada.

'The Pirates! Band of Misfits' MPAA rating: PG for mild action, rude humor and some language Running time: 1 hour, 28 minutes Playing: In general release

It's not often noted in the history books, but Queen Victoria simply couldn't stand pirates. In fact, the words "I Hate Pirates" are prominently carved on the royal crest. You could look it up. Well, actually, you can't, because the wacky folks at Aardman Animations made it up as a key plot point of their delightful"The Pirates! Band of Misfits,"a clever piece of business that is a complete pleasure to experience. Based on a novel by Gideon Defoe, who also wrote the screenplay, "Pirates" follows the exploits, such as they are, of Pirate Captain (wonderfully voiced by Hugh Grant)

It may take half a decade for the couple in "The Five-Year Engagement"to make it to the altar, but the romantic comedy will quickly outrun the competition to the top of the box office this weekend. The movie starring Jason Segel and Emily Blunt is expected to debut with a solid sum of $18 million to $20 million, according to those who have seen pre-release audience surveys. The film about a troubled relationship is likely to perform far better than three other movies hitting theaters this weekend.

Matt Kemp has been unstoppable. The Dodgers have been too. Leading the major leagues in all three of the triple crown categories through Sunday, Kemp became the first player ever to win consecutive National League player-of-the-week awards in the first two weeks of a season. He also claimed the prize in the final week of 2011, making him the first player to win it three weeks running since its inception in 1974. "He's the best player in baseball, and probably the world, right now," Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw said.

The sale of the Dodgers to Guggenheim Baseball Partners is expected to be confirmed in U.S. Bankruptcy Court Friday, but issues remain. For example, Major League Baseball says the team (read: owner Frank McCourt) still owes the league millions of dollars. Staff writer Bill Shaikin reports from the hearing over Twitter: MORE: Dodgers continue their bully routine, sweep Pirates with 3-2 win New Dodgers owners to confirm Time Warner Cable not involved   Major League Baseball's schedule reflects a maddening mapping   Dodgers sale: Up to the minute news

How the Dodgers will fare against the National League's top teams remains a mystery. But one week into the regular season, this much is already clear: They can dominate teams short on talent, experience and money. The Dodgers completed a three-game sweep of the severely underfunded Pittsburgh Pirates with a 3-2 victory on Thursday night, improving their major league-leading record to 6-1. Next to visit Dodger Stadium will be the even worse San Diego Padres, from whom the Dodgers took three of four games in their season-opening series at Petco Park.

at Pittsburgh 3, Philadelphia 2: Garrett Jones' two-run home run in the eighth inning won it for the Pirates. Houston 4, at St. Louis 3: Jeff Keppinger hit the winning homer in the ninth. Washington 5, at Chicago 4: The Nationals won a series at Wrigley Field for the first time since 2005. New York 10, at Florida 3: The Mets ended a five-game skid. Cincinnati 8, at Milwaukee 5: The Reds swept a three-game series. at Atlanta 9, San Diego 1: Javier Vazquez pitched seven scoreless.

As Manuel Douglas spoke on the phone Saturday morning, the Harbor City Narbonne coach was watching a video replay of San Pedro's Kenny Potter shaking five Carson defenders on a quarterback counter. "That's the added element that makes them tougher this year," Douglas said of the Pirates, who are poised to contend for their first Marine League title since 2006 in large part because of their senior quarterback. Potter has led San Pedro to victories in its first eight games, including a 21-0 triumph over Carson on Friday in which he ran for two touchdowns and passed for another.

No bonus points awarded for beating up on the puny, but if you desire to be a good team, it is sort of required. The Dodgers remain an enormous unknown, but early indications are they can at least beat up on the downtrodden. As further evidence, the Dodgers edged the Pittsburgh Pirates, 3-2, on a cool Thursday night before an announced crowd of 28,328, completing a three-game sweep to improve their early record to 6-1. It's the first time the Dodgers have started 6-1 since 1981, when they went on to - dare it be said?