Short Shorts

The naked truth, the sheer fact, the transparent motive and other French fashion mysteries will be exposed this spring. Transparent clothes--from icy-colored organza shirts by Claude Montana to punched black leather tops by Christian Dior to perforated paper dresses by Comme des Garcons--were part of every Paris collection. Montana did it best with his see-through, man-tailored shirts, big enough to wear as coats over short body dresses or Capri-length pants.

It may be good for water-cooler camaraderie, but dressing down can be tricky. How casual is casual, anyway? How do you hang loose without cooking your goose? Judging from these company guidelines, forget about anything you wear to the beach or gym. Creative Design Consultants, Costa Mesa--No cutoff tops, short shorts, sweats, clunky running shoes, sandals, beachwear or anything too revealing. Hilton Hotels Corp.

Who wears short shorts -- just about anyplace? Lindsay, Nicole, Mischa, Paris and Nicky started the trend last summer, and it has since spread to the runways, the red carpet, even the office. Blame Kristen Johnson and her shorts company Johnson, a favorite with the paparazzi-trailed pack. In just one year, the designer's line has gone from being sold in three stores to 500, from being backed by her boyfriend to having a business partner. Forget denim cutoffs and Gap circa 1986 khaki Bermudas.

Demi Moore has dipped her toes back in the Twitter ocean after more than three months away, and though she's using same handle, the actress may very well be hinting at a new incarnation of @mrskutcher on the horizon. Actually, what might be most revealing about the self-portrait that heralded her return -- with the simple caption, "Testing ... " -- is how unrevealing it was. Classic @mrskutcher could be seen tweeting herself out to the world in all her bikini-clad glory, or sharing a peek at her back view unclad in the bathroom, naked down to her waist.

It's a bit early to announce the end of the century. But the spring fashion collections being shown here are so wacky and wild, decadent and even demented at times that it looks like the Fin de Siecle Follies are in full swing here--if nowhere else. The first sign of slippage came Thursday night at the Thierry Mugler Western Round Up, when Ivana Trump, recently exed from the Donald, stepped along the runway dressed like Miss Kitty from "Gunsmoke."

The other day, I saw a pair of shorts wearing a basketball player. They were the biggest shorts I ever saw. Jim Palmer could have gotten into them twice. Big shorts. This is, I realize, an oxymoron--like military intelligence or jumbo shrimp. Nevertheless, with the NBA finals about to start, the time has come to address one of basketball's most pressing issues. Namely, how much bigger are shorts going to get? Basketball players no longer wear basketball pants. They wear pantaloons.

It is my opinion, all side issues being swept aside, that a man's lower limbs, in order to preserve harmony of proportion, should be at least long enough to reach from his body to the ground. --Abe Lincoln, 16th president We can't have players wearing shorts that hang down to the middle of their calf. --Rod Thorn, NBA vice president What is the most pressing problem in professional basketball (men's) today? Apparently, apparel. Drugs? Gambling? Throwing fans through windows?

Get ready to grow accustomed to this face. Eliza Doolittle, who will perform at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival on April 15, is on the crest of a new wave of Brit pop princess to hit stateside. And there's something about her quirky style that just makes you smile. With sunny, upbeat hits like "Skinnygenes," "Rollerblades" and "Pack Up,' comparisons to Lily Allen are inevitable. (Both attended Bedales School in Hampshire, England.) But Doolittle—born Eliza Caird (Doolittle was a school nickname that stuck)