Urinals

In the old days, all we had was a telephone. It worked by dialing a number and saying hello. The process seemed adequate. But because it seemed adequate, we decided to improve it. Which is why, my friend, you and I may never speak again. They've taken away my phone and they've given me a "voice terminal," and I can't figure out how the damned thing works. It has speaker, recall, drop, hold, conference and transfer buttons. It has a Leave Word Calling system and a Send All Calls system.

Be punctual, dress nicely, look people in the eye--and make sure your urine is clean. So many employers now demand a cup of the yellow stuff as part of a job screening for new workers that products with names like Urine Luck! and Klear have found a market; the solutions flood the urine with chemicals that can obscure the results of urine tests. But now a team of Tennessee researchers has demonstrated that a test used to analyze contaminated water can detect and identify those chemicals.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin said last week that a simple, inexpensive urine test that can be done at home may help in mass screenings to find bladder and kidney cancer when they are still at a curable stage. The test uses inexpensive dipsticks that change color when exposed to microscopic amounts of blood in urine. In one year eight cancers and seven other serious kidney or bladder disorders were found in 235 men using the new test, the Wisconsin researchers said.

A new procedure could, for the first time, allow doctors to diagnose kidney cancer through a simple urine test. Until now, the only way to know if you had kidney cancer was with imaging tests, such as a CT scan, MRI or ultrasound and, if something suspicious was found, with a biopsy. Researchers at Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia have found that DNA testing of urine samples not only can accurately detect cancer but also can pick up the disease in its early stages, when it's curable.

Soccer officials in Zimbabwe banned four members of the army's first division Tongogara side for life after they urinated in front of several thousand spectators at a stadium in eastern Zimbabwe Sunday. Nelson Chirwa of the Zimbabwe Football Assn. said the players were practicing tribal witchcraft in an attempt to change their side's fortunes. It was losing, 1-0. "I would like to advise all football teams that next time they should go to a better witch doctor," Chirwa said.

Seeking more time to study options for installing public toilets, the City Council on Tuesday delayed voting on an ordinance that would prohibit public urination and defecation. The council is scheduled to take up the matter again Aug. 8. City officials were surprised to find that there is no municipal ordinance on the books making it a crime to relieve oneself in public.

A hotel room was left in such disgusting condition after February's NFL scouting combine that the manager took pictures and sent them to the event's organizer. National Football Scouting president Jeff Foster confirmed to Yahoo!Sports that a room in the Crowne Plaza in Indianapolis was found after the combine with feces and urine scattered in the bathroom, toothpaste on a mirror and garbage, including uneaten food, all over. "I can confirm that a room was left in an inappropriate condition and we're disappointed by both players who occupied the room," Foster said.

In what could be turning into a nasty trend, French actor Gerard Depardieu reportedly urinated on the cabin floor of an airplane. A passenger interviewed on French radio said that Depardieu, who reportedly did the deed on a Paris-to-Dublin flight after being told by crew members to wait in his seat until after takeoff, appeared to have been drinking. This isn't the first time an alcohol-laced peeing incident has reportedly taken place on a plane, travel blogger Mary Forgione points out: Just this month, skier Sandy Vietze reportedly urinated on a young girl during a JetBlue flight.

Prostate cancer screening may become significantly better with the use of a urine test, according to a new study. Prostate cancer screening is currently based on a blood test to detect PSA -- prostate-specific antigen. But that test often produces false positives and leads to unnecessary biopsies. More than a million men in the U.S. undergo a prostate biopsy each year, and fewer than half of the patients actually have prostate cancer. The test is also thought to lead to over-treatment of prostate cancer.

This story would be funny if it weren't so sad. Texas Longhorns pitcher Corey Knebel was suspended from the team on Friday because he substituted his urine sample for a teammate's to prevent the teammate from failing a drug test. Problem: Knebel's urine sample failed the test. According to the Austin American-Statesman , Knebel agreed to let the teammate use his sample to avoid detection for having taken Adderall, which is used to treat ADHD. Adderall is on the NCAA's banned list of substances, unless you have a doctor's prescription for it to treat ADHD or narcolepsy.